When I was nine, I stole a big, fat, sugary Boston cream pie from the refrigerator and ate the entire thing behind the trees in the backyard.
It wasn’t mine to take. We didn’t have the open-frig, eat-when-you-want policy that children have today—and we never had desserts that looked like that. But even worse, I didn’t know my mother chose it specially, hid it away and planned to surprise my father with it for his birthday. Not until my neighbor told on me, that is, and I watched my mother’s face turn from surprise, to anger, then to pain.
It sounds like a little thing, today. But it was huge to me then. I hurt my father. Yes, I hurt my mother too, but the surprise was for him. I hurt my father.
“Against thee only have I sinned,” I read in Psalm 51:4, and that day comes flooding back. I couldn’t get it out of my head or heart for the longest time: the shame, the disappointment, the feeling that nothing I could do could restore that surprise. “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me” (vs. 3).
There’s a reason Psalm 51 is the best known of the penitential psalms and one of the best-loved psalms of all. It speaks to the deep pain we feel inside us when we sin, and then it shows us the mercy of God. His is the love of a Father who sees his child’s stricken face – washes the tears away – and then reaches inside to create in us “a clean heart;” to breathe “a new and right spirit” within us.
Read Psalm 51 over and over. What words stand out to you? Here’s what I see:
MERCY. CLEAN.
JOY & GLADNESS.
REJOICE! RESTORE. THE JOY OF THY SALVATION.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love…” – Misereri mei, Deus.
The Misereri has been put to music many times. Along with reading Psalm 51, you may want to meditate while listening. Here are some very different versions, from the sublime Misereri by Allegri to the more modern renditions of Keith Green and the Sons of Korah. Do you have a favorite you can share?
Misereri, by Gregorio Allegri
Psalm 51, by Sons of Korah
Create in Me a Clean Heart, by Keith Green
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To incorporate lectio divina into your prayer and better recognize where you have sinned, express your sorrow, and ask forgiveness:
Pray: Incline Thine ear, O Lord, and show me mercy, for I am a sinner before Thee.
Read Psalm 51 all the way through several times. At least one time, read it out loud.
Reflect on the same psalm: read it slowly, lingering where your heart draws you.
Consider these questions, writing your answers in a journal if desired:
- What stands out to you in this Psalm?
- What do you hear God saying to you, personally?
Respond: What will you do about what you have heard? Respond to God in prayer.
Rest in his presence.
Close: Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
- Read the Introduction to this series here.
- Download Praying the Penitential Psalms-download here.
- Read more about lectio divina here.
© 2014 Sarah Christmyer
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- Set aside ten minutes a day during Lent for a “spiritual cleanse” using my new journal based on these posts, Create in Me a Clean Heart: 10 Minutes a Day in the Penitential Psalms, available in paperback and on Kindle.
- Pray the Penitential Psalms for intentions related to the seven capital (“deadly”) sins: download here.
Thank you Sarah for this lovely Lenten Series. My husband and I look forward to it each week, and enjoying partaking of this blessing together.
“The Lord disciplines those he loves.” I am glad, for I have been under His watchful gaze of late.
There use to be some kind of electric thing you could plug into an outlet, and it would get all the bugs out of the house. At first, bugs would be everywhere, then they’d disappear. That is what I feel like this past 6 months – all the bugs are coming out!
But I know, or I think I know, that it is in response to my fervent prayers, and he has taken them seriously, and responded by exposing the dark and broken places for healing. And He is getting after me to work the muscles that have been limp for so long – because I have not wanted to jostle the sore areas.
I am glad he is after me, because he has a plan and I need to be fit for it – to be counted worthy to suffer – not for the sake of my sin – but for the sake of righteousness and the gospel.
But at 44 years old, I feel like you did at 9. The shame lasts only as long as my pride. But the pride stings the most – seeing myself as I really am but not wanting to face it… rather… not wanting anyone else to see it so then I have to face it! I think that I should be better at 44 than you were for stealing a Boston creme pie at 9…
But I don’t think Adam and Eve where children when they did no more than eat a Boston creme pie – worse – nothing in their flesh or soul was bent toward sin and disobedience, yet they ate the fruit.
So I see that the Lord is after healing us from the damage our sins do – so that we can get out of the infirmary, breath the fresh air of the wide open spaces of his will and purposes, exercise long atrophied muscles, and FLY. He disciplines his sons and daughters because we will be ruling as kings and priests – judging even the angels. We must be about our father’s business!
Sure love your page Sarah!
Sam
Sarah, as your mother, I don’t even recall this incident which just goes to show that you were clearly forgiven. . .it is removed “as far as the east is from the west!” But I find it graphically illustrates your message here. I love it! So aren’t we glad that it happened! God takes the evil and turns it to good! Always, if we let Him.